I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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