when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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