she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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