I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
