for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
