Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
