Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
vagina is talking i cant
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
