Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
