I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need moral support for this bender
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
