90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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