i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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