so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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