We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
