Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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