I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to make out with him forever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
