The police scanner is talking about you again....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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