I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
