Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
