So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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