good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
