i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
