theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
