apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
