If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
