I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
