there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
