for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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