I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
