Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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