Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
