Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
