a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
