I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
