Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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