no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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