Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
