took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
