I hate your face
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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