Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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