Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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