i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
