Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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