i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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