I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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