I skipped work to stalk him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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