I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
