that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
