I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
