well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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