some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
