If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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