I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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