I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
