One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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