I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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