Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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