i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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