can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
