Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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