I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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